It is the most crazy and messy vacation I ever had

It makes me realize how far I am away from what I dream of

I get lost on who I am for so many times that I find I feel myself nowhere in the end

 

I clearly understand what I want and what I need

I just clearly understand I cant get it

So guess I just try to avoid any word about it in any means

 

Pretending as someone else

someone shows in the drama

someone who is not me

just try to pretend that I want nothing

and care about nothing

 

I am not sure whether it is the only way to keeping me from hurt

I am just way so afraid of thinking of it, so afraid

Glad I did not hurt anyone by doing this, at least I tried

 

Afraid of being lonely and have no one to share life with

Guess that is the born mistake of me, which I am always horrified by

I totally understand it is my own problem and I just could not fix it

 

Life is a damn tragedy, as for me, indeed

很多年前 我还是个很爱看书的小孩

当然 我看不懂意境 只不过是看很长的故事而已

谈不上意会 留下的记忆 也不过书名而已

 

最喜欢的是历史

几十册的世界通史中国通史

就在一个个宁静的午后寂静的夜晚

悄悄地和我叙述着

那些早已逝去的人和事

 

也常读文学

东方的西方的文学名著

对我而言 不过是一本本厚厚的故事书

是的 我不懂文学 不懂意境

我很傻 只当是看一段段漫长的故事

 

也许是大学的生活让我变得肤浅 或是现实

书籍在我的世界里消失已多年

想一个人静静地坐在 沙发 或是草地

在柔和的灯光下 或是和煦的阳光下

看上一段历史 读上一部名著 已成为奢望

 

是的 我知道

生活中缺失的

不是时间

不是环境

只是那种看书的心境

 

静静的待着

一个人

一本书

就是全部的世界

这是我以为的心境

 

当现实的压力让人手足无措

当浮躁的情绪弥漫心中

所有的言行

都被期望着能有所收获

我们 都太累了

 

以为不该去想什么

所做的一切 不过是生活所迫

其实 那不过是个借口

当期望着有所收获

又何必装作是在无辜的付出

 

现在的我

不过会在那么些肤浅的追求之外

的那些寂寞时刻

才会偶尔翻上几页书

甚至还读不完一个完整的故事

 

为自己破碎的生活而伤感

却在转瞬间才发现

已将一个个故事读的那么支离破碎

 

人总是那么的贪婪

无法满足的欲望

扯碎了故事

扯碎了心境

只剩下残缺的生活

这个世界变化太快

我不懂 不明白

 

为什么生活变成了

如此的状况

我不懂 不明白

 

一直想要个完整纯净的世界

却在混沌破碎的现实中挣扎

 

我以为我知道自己想要什么

我以为我知道你想要什么

结果 我错了

 

一切 不过是幻觉

 

我想 我接受现实

无论这是怎样的混沌或是破碎

我只是不懂 不明白

 

这个世界变化太快

我不懂 不明白

There was a nice beautiful city

like the magical castle in fairytale

One day it crushed

leaving ruins lying

where the city stood

 

Someone left

Someone stay

and stray

 

perfection does not exist

like fairytales are all fake

There will always be one day

that bubble busrts

and fairytale ends

 

I love sports

Every time I feel lost

I found myself back in the sports

 

I feel the existence of myself

in the infinite running and jumping

I feel that I know who I am at those moments

 

I want to win the matches

I want to play good games

I have no reservations in the sports

cause I know what I want

and I know how to get it

 

Winning or Showing is not all what I want

Just like the desitination of journey

is not all of meanings

 

It is just a simple goal

Whether to reach it is not all determined by myself

So why cares about it

when I enjoy the view in the journey

Enjoy it and forget all else

 

Life becomes a simple world in the sports

without girl

without job

without sorrow

I know it is the world I love all the time

 

Anyway

It is the best way for me to feel that

I am not that old now

 

 

 

 

It was joyful to have the accompany of some one,

It was bitter to adjust each other's tempo to keep together.

You can try your best to change your tempo,

but you cannot ask the other to change.

All you can do is just praying, and call it fate.

 

Sun still rises,

water still flows,

and life still moves on.

 

At most of time in your life, you walked with some ones.

You were a crowd of people,

with some joining in, and some leaving.

You walked together, just not so close.

You have you own tempo, and so do they.

 

There was fun in the crowd, the differences in tempos

just created surprises and laughs, making it a joyful journey.

There might be quarrel or even conflicts among you as well,

when your tempos are way too different from others.

Some ones or you just walk away, with own tempos.

 

Humans are destined to be distinct,

So are tempos.

Enjoy if you have accompanies,

Keep moving if you are alone.

You still have your tempos.

 

 

Never thought about restarting writing in space

in such a common day

with nothing to remind

 

I still restarted it

might cause I have some to tell

but cant find one to share my minds

 

I like writing

even I know my wrinting sucks

it is still the best alternative for talking

 

I hate writing

cause I never write when Im happy

cause it means I cant find one to talk

 

 

 

Im keeping looking for peace in my mind

I know what I am pursuing to get the peace

I got it but I lose it

 

it is gone now

 

gone with wind

 

 

 

Nights and nights with insomnia and nightmares

I told myself over and over that I have tried my best

but I just cant believe it

 

it is gone

 

gone with wind

 

 

 

PS:

 

Set the space public  Read if you like and Ignore if not

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English   would be used for personal feelings

Chinese  would be used for general ideas

 

Please never tell my family about my words

 

Thanks for reading